Sunday, August 28, 2005

The Exact Instant I Saw The Fin Was The Instant I Was In The Air

Stargate SG1 has been getting progressively harder to sit through, but out of respect for an eight year relationship, I've been trying to be patient. It takes time for new cast members to find their groove, and it takes even MORE time for writers to learn to adjust the dialogue to the new players. I survived the sixth season, and even grew grudgingly fond of Parker Lewis.

Friday night's episode was already running the ragged edge of lame, as I entertained myself during the episode by watching all the ways the crew had come up with to disguise the fact that Amanda Tapping just had a baby. (For the record - a hand truck, a box, a chair, and a table were all in turn wedged into the scene directly in front of her midsection and hips, and her costumes are all very boxy and loose. There's makeup on her neck to hide, not a wattle or anything gross, but a post-baby softness. She's getting the weight off, you can practically see what order the scenes were shot in, but it seems unfair to put that pressure on her. She just had a BABY. After seven years of keeping an unnaturally low weight for TV. Most likely thinking the damn show was cancelled. Christ, if I'd been her I'd have eaten nothing but things from the "ohs" family: Cheetos, nachos, and Doritos.)

But I am a sci-fi fan. I can tolerate anything, and learn to love it. Cast changes don't have to be the end of the world. Ben Browder is in NO WAY my TV boyfriend (the which will always be Richard Dean Anderson). But he's closer to type than poor Corin was compared to Michael, and Corin worked out okay. I resented Claudia Black a little, but I really do love her, so once I knew Amanda was eventually coming back, I got over it and thoroughly enjoyed Vala's episodes. I'm annoyed that they killed Janet, especially because I know the actress wasn't trying to leave the show a la Shanks, and the fact that they just happened to cast Shanks' WIFE as the replacement is sticking in my craw, but whatever. All the "new" people are solid actors with tons of sci-fi practice. They are all capable of spouting pseudo-scientific gobblygook with panache and sincerity.

What I cannot get over is consistently crappy, cheap, deus ex machina writing, and we've now had almost two months of it. BEAMING THE BUILDING INTO OUTER SPACE was the last straw. They should have strapped waterskis on the building before blowing it up.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Nuh UH

Guy 3 says this came from the always hilarious Fark.com:

Search for "casino chips" on the Wal-Mart website, and see what the Christian fascists give you:

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/catalog.gsp?cat=416096&redirect_query=casino+chips

Not ever in ten million years will I shop at Walmart again.

EDIT: See comments section.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Don't Eavesdrop On My Lunch Pod, Part 15

Guy #3: Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever notice.

Guy #2: Our new Chinese overlords will notice!

Guy #3: Ah so! This group is productive.

Guy #2: This group will receive TWO bowls of rice.

Guy #3: And a piece of MEAT.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

She Is Mine



Yesterday, August 13, 2005, will live in infamy. I finally got my baby. And she is BETTER than the one who broke my heart. There is some metaphorical lesson in there that I will absorb... AFTER I get done tearing around in her.

She's a '99 Miata MX-5, Highlight Silver. She came with an automatic transmission, tan leather interior, matching vinyl boot, Bose audio, 15" alloy wheels, power doors/windows/mirrors/antenna, matching hard top for winter use, air conditioning, and even that fancy ass steering wheel that apparently cost another two hundred bucks back when she was new. 37,500 miles on her. New Dunlop tires, whatever that means.

Driving her is like flying a hovercraft, or cutting through silk with very sharp scissors. I've never driven something with such responsive steering. Oh, man, I gotta go back outside and take her out.

A Window Into My Home, Part 4

Me: No, really, you're a font of good things.

Guy #1: An eight point font?

Me: Look at those shoulders. You're at least a twelve point font.

Guy #1: I could be a bold eight point font.

Me: True.

(Moment of silence.)

Guy #1 (lunges suddenly forty five degrees towards me, scaring the diet coke out of me): Or ITALICS!

Monday, August 08, 2005

A Window Into My Home, Part 3

Me: (flipping through a crafting supply catalogue) *sigh*

Guy 1: Mmm?

Me: I just don't think I need to introduce a yarn craft.

Guy 1: ... a yarn craft?

Me: Yeah. What's so funny?

Guy 1: A yarn craft.

Me: You know, I've got my paper crafting, my cross stitch crafts, and now I'm considering -

Guy 1: A YARN craft.

Me: And?

Guy 1: We've got Starcraft. Warcraft. WORLD OF YARN CRAFT.